She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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