Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
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Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
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you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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