I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
