i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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