who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
