The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
