My nipple is on Facebook.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
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