Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
