But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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