Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
