ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
