I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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