Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
