Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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