OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
