What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
