i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
