I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
