I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
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Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
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You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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