some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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