I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
