Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize
