Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
