I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
