On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
