Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
