i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
