i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You've changed since you got that strap on
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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