evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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