I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
