Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
