Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
