I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I can't put those talents on a resume
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
