i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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