Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Swine flu is the new snow day.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
