I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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