im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
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when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize