you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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