the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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