Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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