i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I think your dad took our porno
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize