I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
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will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Blood and glitter go together right?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
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Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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