morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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