I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
