Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize