I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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