This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
