Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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