I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
