just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
