I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
