I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
