Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
So vagazzling was a success
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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