I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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