im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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