so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
