And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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