Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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