My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
