the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
