allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
