I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
