i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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